


stepping stones (2018)

by dizzy



Series: years go by [4]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, chris/others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 13:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4667894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.” - Kazuo Ishiguro</p>
            </blockquote>





	stepping stones (2018)

Darren's friends tell him a breakdown is good for the creative juices, and he realizes maybe they aren't wrong. His first taste of losing something he really wanted to have stings but he writes a lot of sad songs and drinks a little too much and gradually comes back to himself. He emerges from the cloud of darkness with a new perspective on the world, shedding some of that naivety about life and love and how untouchable he thought he was. 

He throws himself back into acting and it's strange how three years of slipping into mediocrity is suddenly offset by just the right role at just the right time. One small but decent role the year before turns into a franchise, one lead actor refusing to sign onto a sequel turns into top billing for him. 

* 

Chris and Kevin are never gonna last, and that they never pretended otherwise makes it easier to let go. Kevin already splits his time between Los Angeles and London, so when he says he's packing up to go film a series there it isn't even really a conversation. He's not asking Chris's permission and he's not asking Chris to go with him. 

They spend Chris's birthday weekend together and then Kevin gets on a plane and that's that, really. It was fun while it lasted. 

* 

Chris stares at the email in front of him for five minutes, and even when he moves on he keeps going back to open it again. 

It's the invite to Darren's premiere. 

He doesn't normally handle these things, but Alla forwarded it directly to him. The reasons... well, they're obvious. 

But he's just - he's not sure. There are too many unknowns, and how is it that Darren is the one thing that takes him back to instant insecurity? 

He opens a blank email to Alla and spills his curiosities into it. Did every former castmate get one of these? Did this even come from Darren? Will he look like an idiot if he shows up? 

He ends up responding to the invitation before he even sees her reply. 

* 

He could find a date, if he really wanted to. 

But he doesn't. 

He tells himself he's not expecting anything, though. 

He just wants to catch up with an old friend. The exposure will be good. It's a photo op. Free food. Booze on someone else's dime. The movie actually looks good. Every reason, any reason, besides the truth. 

*

There's no magical pull between them that tells Darren when Chris walks into a room, but once he's been spotted there is maybe something in the air that makes Darren unable to look away. 

He's a consummate professional and a top not small talker, so he finished the schmoozing he's currently engaged in with a socially acceptable grace before he pulls away. 

He grabs an extra drink on his way over to Chris, smoothly handing it over with a warm, "I wasn't sure you'd be able to make it." 

"Well, I RSVP'd," Chris says diplomatically, nodding his head in thanks. "It's been a while." 

It's weird to Chris that those are the first words spoken between them in over a year. 

"You're not-" Darren uncharacteristically stumbles. "Kevin's not with you?" 

Chris looks slightly surprised. "No, he's - no." 

Darren looks at him and Chris looks back and there's so much packed into a moment there. But Darren just nods, and smiles a little bit. Something is not quite right and they both want to escape the awkwardness, or at least evade it, but they're not quite sure how. 

* 

It's such a busy night for Darren. 

He tells himself that's why he doesn't manage to catch up with Chris more. He doesn't want to admit to anyone, much less himself, that he'd been prepared to see Chris happy with someone else. He'd been so prepared for it that he hadn't even allowed for any other thought to creep across his mind. 

It's not exactly like Chris is opening a door, but he is at the very least indicating that it might not be entirely bolted shut. It's a gesture that Darren should be willing to reciprocate. 

But the feeling of laying himself open and being split apart for it is still too close and raw, and whatever exists between himself and Chris is too much to approach lightly. 

*

Chris leaves that night feeling let down. 

He thought he'd had no expectations. He was wrong. 

When he gets home, he books a nice long trip to London. It's not a declaration of intention or a gesture of romance. He just wants to get away for a while. 

The best part is probably the way Kevin doesn't even ask why.


End file.
